Spring Lake Church
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Spring Lake Church is an EFCA Church located in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Spring Lake Church serves the Green Bay Area with two campuses and focuses on loving God, maturing in His character, and reaching the world.
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Spring Lake Church
Marital Intimacy | "Into-Me-You-See" | Lawrence | August 23, 2026
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All right. Well, good morning. Let me see if I can find the middle of the stage here. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all. I said good morning, but I really I was getting a little distracted. Good morning. All right, it's good to see you guys. My name is Jeff Letter. I'm the care pastor here. And so I get the honor of leading G4 care groups on Monday nights as well as our biblical care mentor teams and congregational care areas. And so if you guys have questions about that afterwards, I'd love to talk with you about those individual groups that you you saw those names for up there. Those represent individual groups that are diving deep on those topics and how to walk in faithfulness in those areas. And so it's an honor to be there. I know that some of those make us uncomfortable. We've been in the uncomfortable series. We're rounding out with this last set of three messages. If you haven't been uncomfortable up to this point, you probably will by the time you leave this room. And so just giving you the fullness. That wasn't the goal, is to make you uncomfortable in the series. It was to deal with topics that make us go there. But we are just as this is a pastoral disclaimer. We're going to talk about sexuality today in our sermon. So, parents, if you have young ones and you're not ready to engage in this subject, whether you're in the room or whether you're watching this later online, just be aware. Those types of conversations, just be aware of that. You're not gonna be judged if you want to be like, okay, maybe let's let's uh let's uh get the kiddos out of here. But I would say as a side note, um, I would implore you as a parent at any age to start having these conversations. Um and please note that I said conversations with an S, because it's not just the talk like we generally think of it, but a series of conversations that starts vague and conceptual and moves more and more specific over time. Because the reality is, even though this is not the subject of this sermon, kiddos are being exposed to this information earlier and earlier, even if accidentally. And so whether that's online or whether that's through their school or their buddies or their best friend's older brother, like you want to be in on that conversation because it's not really a question of if it's gonna happen, it's when and who's gonna be teaching it. So I just encourage you to start having those conversations no matter if it's if they're really little at this point. Um, there's excellent resources out, like the Story of Me series that starts at like age three and then kind of like tracks through the different ages and stages. And if you have any other other questions about like resources and how to have those conversations, I'd love to talk about that. Or Pastor Ryan on the family ministries side can kind of like maybe give some pointers and some some resources in that area. So having said that, that was the disclaimer. Um, having given that, um, imagine with me for a moment that you're 15 years old, you sign up for driver's ed, you walk into the classroom, and you sit down, the instructor says, All right, welcome to driver's ed. Before we begin, here are a few few important rules. Don't speed, don't run speedlight, don't run red lights, don't text and drive, don't tailgate, don't drift out of your lane, don't hit pedestrians, don't forget your seatbelt, don't drive under the influence, don't ignore road signs, and whatever you do, like don't cause an accident. Then he hands you the keys and says, All right, have a great time. Like you would kind of be like, okay, a little bit terrified, I don't even know what step one is. You know some things that could go wrong. You certainly might know how not to drive, but you'd have no idea how to actually drive well. No one taught you how to like adjust your mirrors, how to watch the road ahead, how to merge or like break smoothly, how to navigate intersections or anticipate the crazy things that people are going to do around you and how to react to those. Like, in other words, you were given warnings, but you weren't given wisdom. You were given boundaries, but not really a vision. And you were given rules for avoiding disaster, but not really instruction for flourishing. And if we're honest, this is how we often engage the subject of sexuality. We have very many necessary don'ts, and those boundaries matter for sure, but too often we have not also given a holy, beautiful, biblical vision for what God designed marital intimacy to be. That it would be covenantal, that it would be self-giving and safe and joyful and tender and deeply unifying. We warn people of everything that could go wrong, what the sinful expression looks like, and then basically assume that, you know, you couples will figure out the rest from there, because and that's a good thing, because we're not going to talk about it again past premarital counseling unless something goes horribly wrong. So for many, the only exposure of sex is really to condemn the subject as wrong, with the expectation of being able to flip that paradigm from wrong to right on the wedding night, which is why honestly that's sometimes a difficult uh event for many Christian couples because we haven't given any kind of vision. I want so badly for us as a church to reclaim the beauty of what physical intimacy is meant to be as God's idea, the deeper realities it points to in Christ, the joy that our Heavenly Father desires for a couple to find through this unique union. So we're gonna anchor first in the book of Genesis and kind of launch from there to kind of reclaim a vision of what holy intimacy was meant to be. So if you guys want to turn to Genesis 1, we'll flip from Genesis 1 to 2 here in just a little bit. You can also find it either on the screens or the UVersion app. There'll also be, I'll have quotes and it's funny. I said I have diagrams. Last week I said that, and everybody was like, oh not that kind of diagram. Like it's it's instructive. There are words on there. So let's uh let's start in Genesis 1, verse 26, and we'll go from there. Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So God created mankind in his own image. In the image of God he created them. Male and female, he created them. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and over every living creature that moves on the ground. And then we'll switch over to Genesis two, verse 18. The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals, all the birds in the sky, he brought them to the man to see what he would name them. Whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, birds in the sky, the wild animals, but for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs, then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone in my bones, and flesh in my flesh. She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. But that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife are both naked, and they felt no shame. Church, let's pray. Father, we more than anything, in every area, we want to be seeking your wisdom on it, but especially this area that has often just become distorted and confusing in a culture that seems to not know how to define these things and where where the lines are drawn, and then how to really honor you in this area. And so we just want to submit this time to you, help with your word to read us, instruct us, and image you well in this relationship. And pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. So I was originally just going to start in Genesis 2 and hit the ground running, running with God's original design for marriage, but we needed to first stop in Genesis 1. Organizationally, it's helpful to think of Genesis 1 as kind of God's cosmic creation of everything as a whole. And then Genesis 2 is kind of this zoom in, this poetic celebration of day six's creation of Adam and Eve. In Genesis 1, after everything else is created, we have male and female made in the image of God. One scholar highlights and translates this as male and female made as God's image versus in God's image. And the point is that humanity as a whole are meant to image God. Theologians have debated like what it means to be made in God's image for centuries. Is it an ability? Is it like our intelligence? Is it the conscious awareness of ourself, or is it simply who we are as created humanity? Michael Heiser, a scholar who's written a lot on this, makes this helpful point. He says, We are created to image God, to be his imagers. It is what we are by definition. The image is not an ability we have, but a status. We are God's representatives on earth. To be human is to image God. Now you might be wondering, okay, what does this have to do with marital intimacy? And the truth is, this is the foundation for the honor that is meant to be displayed everywhere in the marriage relationship. Each individual is equal in importance and dignity and value and given a more a voice that's meant to be heard. Some of you may be in marriages, unfortunately, where this is not happening. And there are issues upstream in terms of like sinful abuse and lust and adultery or just lack of intentionality that need to be addressed before we start talking about the how-tos of physical intimacy. I tell couples all the time, and you'll hear this more than once in this sermon, that physical intimacy is the overflow of spiritual and emotional intimacy, and it should reflect those areas as priorities. In other words, you should not be a different person in the bedroom than you are in any other arena of your relationship. Mutual honor and value should be prioritized, and where that is absent, there will be a lack of the fullness of what God intended for this area. Now, the point is, I don't want someone weaponizing what is proclaimed in this sermon to justify mistreatment or the lack of prioritizing other areas, and then expecting there's going to be a willingness for physical intimacy to happen. Now, I'll unpack this further as we go along, but I need you to hear me that sexual intimacy in marriage is the overflow of a good marriage, which is why most couples who come in for marriage counseling have either abandoned it or not regularly engaged in it by the time they've gotten to me. It's also the last subject that we typically engage in marriage counseling. Because even problems in sexual intimacy are often the fruit or the symptoms of other issues that are upstream. And this all starts with honoring the image of God and one another and seeking to then image God's love to your spouse. This is our first point. Mutual honor as fellow image bearers is the foundation of true intimacy. This is the foundation of where we're going, and honestly, the answer to many questions surrounding, like, what is permissible, what's on the table in the bedroom in terms of intimacy between spouses. The question should be when we're intimate, does this honor my spouse or does it cause dishonor or possible harm to the person I say I love most in the world? Am I validating this other person by listening and providing space for their voice? Am I imaging God's love well towards my husband or wife? I know that I'm speaking to a mixed audience in this sermon. I get that, that not everybody in here is married. There are there are also those who are, for whom the subject of sexuality brings up past pain or abuse from those who wounded or maybe betrayed you in this area. Those wounds run deep. And my prayer is that you might still find comfort in God's redemptive view of what sex sex was meant to be in the wake of where someone took this took advantage of you and distorted this subject for you. If that is you, I want you to know that what happened to you was evil and it grieves the Lord. And because it takes the beautiful way that God designed our bodies and it distorts it, it twists it. It's never meant to be that way. There are also those who in here are single, either because a previous marriage ended for one reason or another, or you've never been married. My prayer in this sermon is regardless of whether you're married or not, you would be able to apply some of the relational principles to those you do life with and around. You are not a second-class citizen just because you may be single. And I think sadly, we've done a poor job of communicating this as the church universal of the different gifting of singleness in the church. Just because you're single for however long does not mean you live an unfulfilled life. If that were true, then we would have to assume individuals like Jesus and Paul and countless people throughout church history led a less than full existence, and that's simply not true. In the case of Jesus, it may even be blasphemous. Your call to image God's love relationally in others' lives is just as profound and weighty, albeit different than those expressed in marriage. So I hope you don't tune out this message just because the focus might be mostly on marriage. For some of you, this may redeem the past. For others, it may be useful in your future. Now, having said that, let's go back to our Genesis 2 text that starts with the first, it is not good, describing the man as being alone. God makes a declaration that Adam needs a helper in our text here. The Hebrew word there is azer. And this is not in any way, it's not a condescending term like we often think of helper as like, oh, that's so cute. They're mommy's little helper. That is not what's happening in this text. What's happening here is Adam is called to this massive mission to spread God's rule and reign over the face of the earth. And honestly, that mission to be fruitful and multiply, this is not a task that he can do on his own. It's not even possible. He's in a tight spot because he can't carry out what God's asking of him. To further this idea, God is described later on by this same word, Azer, as our help in the Psalms. This is so this is not a downgrade or a denigration. It's an acknowledgement of Adam's need and honestly the rescue that Eve plays in her role. I've always thought what God did next was also interesting, though, though, as he parades all of creation before Adam to name each animal. And the text says that no suitable helper was found for him amongst animal and bird creation. In addition, he's likely also seeing like the pairing of each animal coming. So he's like each animal's coming, he's naming them male and female, male and female, male and female, male and female. Like it's almost like God's desiring to draw out this yearning in Adam himself that nothing else in all of creation will satisfy, like having an equal partner of his own that is like him, like he witnesses in the animal kingdom. It's not as if God expected him to like find a suitable helper and a dog. I mean, that's it's man's best friend, but that's that's not at all his role. He needed to like go through this process to understand the gift and the preciousness of what was about to happen. Regardless, it works, and we see in Adam's reaction that he's not just speechless, but he breaks into the first song we see in scripture. The man gets poetic. But before we get there though, we can't go too speedily past this like mysterious surgery that happens, that Adam is put to sleep, and God takes what our text says is a rib out of him, but the same word is also used later to describe a side, with a similar term describing like the two sides of the tabernacle in Exodus, or two sides of a hole. So it literally could be, and some scholars believe that Adam has one of his sides taken out in order to create the woman who will later know as Eve. Now, the beauty in this surgery is you're seeing the parallel realities as God takes one and then he makes two, and then in marriage, he then asks the two to then become one flesh again. So the surgery happens, and Adam is blown away, and you see him recognize that Eve was like this fulfillment of this longing that he's felt for so long, like after I saw every other animal, this one is finally like me. And in many ways, you could sum up this like thankful, worshipful heart, proclaiming, This one is mine, this one was made for me. The last verse of our text sums up this beautiful moment well with they were both naked and they felt no shame. What an incredible picture, and I believe something we may still try and be chased after to this day. Yes, they were physically naked, but I would add there was no hiding, there was no deception, there were no unknowns between them. They just were themselves raw and open and honest. Doug Rosenau, a Christian counseling sexual therapy expert, which is a thing, he sums it up well. It is tremendously moving to think of God's original one-flesh companionship. Adam and Eve before the fall of Eden had the marvelous capacity of being totally naked, physically, emotionally, with no shame or fear. They reveled in a childlike trust and curiosity, laughing, exploring, giving, and receiving love. Sex was a glorious, innocent celebration, lived out with instinctual honesty and respect and zest for life. It was naked and unashamed, with no performance anxiety, inhibitions, pain, or selfish skill deficits. What a relationship and sex life they were able to have as they truly knew each other inside and out. And pay attention to that word in quotations later, new, because that'll be important for us. And this leads to our first point that might be obvious for some, but it bears highlighting. Sex was God's idea, meant to embody the love God has for us. The reason I make this point is we've not always been clear in the church about this. Because of the focus on some of the sinful distortions of this gift from this good gift from the Lord, which I know I'm following Arlen's sermon, so it feels like uh y'all are getting a lot of this subject right now. But it almost feels like we're engaging something inappropriate or dirty just by saying this word in here from the pulpit. I mean, I don't know how many times I'm saying the word sex today. It could be 37 different times. It's probably more than you've heard, it's definitely more than I've spoken. Matter of fact, it's getting kind of hot up here. Are you guys out in here? Okay. It's as if like, like, it's like sex had creeped in after the fall. Like, like people, like God created everything and all of a sudden go, whoa, what are you doing? Like, what's happening in this moment? This was the design. This is God's good design to be delighted in for intimacy and fruitful multiplication of the people of God. For a long time in the church, as a result of teaching by leaders like Augustine, who I'm a big fan of, but I disagree with him on this. It was often taught or proclaimed that sex was for reproduction and anything else might be verging on sin. The reasoning came out of his own story, having been delivered from disordered sexual desires himself, and so sort of there's kind of this overcorrection coming out of his own story. So the idea that sex for covenantal union and enjoyment in marriage, it was almost like it was permissible, like it was it was okay, but not necessarily encouraged and certainly not celebrated. And if this were the case of what God intended, then there's all kinds of awkwardness when you get to a book like Song of Solomon or Song of Songs, is also known. This book, if you studied it, and I encourage all you married couples, like read it and read it slowly. Like it is a celebration of the enjoyment of marital intimacy. It doesn't just describe delight as like also coming as a result of sexual union. It rejoices in it. It has poetry and songs celebrating the delight of husband and wife coming together in an embodied way. Yes, sex is where the joy of new life is conceived, but not as like some arbitrary duty or I guess I have to do that in order for us to have babies. And if you think it's just like Song of Solomon in that one book, then why don't you listen to Proverbs 5? We think of Proverbs as like, you know, truth sayings. Prepare to blush from this. May your fountain be blessed, may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breast satis satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Now, this kind of language is missing from weddings, and I've officiated from weddings, I've never said this at a wedding. And maybe I should. Maybe I'm missing something altogether. Like, go, be fruitful, like enjoy one another, but but I've never said that before. And it and yet it's meant to be this good gift from God. Somehow Christians who are in a relationship with the author of sex have become people known as the least likely to bring up the subject unless we're condemning the sinful expressions of it. Sadly, the result is that many have gone to the world to define what this is meant to look like. Even couples go into things like to pornography to sp to spice up their love life and then reaping terrible consequences for having done so. And if you've done that, I just I beg you to not continue in that. It's going to cause devastation if it hasn't already. In addition, when couples are struggling in this area, there's often this kind of shame attached and no idea of who or where to go. Where's a safe place to discuss this area? So if this is God's idea, what is his vision of true intimacy? I think the most appropriate place to start is the first verse in the Bible that mentions the act in Genesis 4. Genesis 4, verse 1 says, Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord. Now I told you all to remember that quote that I mentioned earlier, the word new, because many modern translations lose this language, although the ESV, which is what we just quoted from, highlights it. Some others, like the NIV, says Adam made love or had relations. CSB says they were intimate, which is a little bit closer. The Hebrew word here is yada, and truly this it sets the stage for what it means for a husband and wife to come together. Although not every text uses this word, this is in many ways the best way to think about what intimacy is, the knowing and being known that finds this expression physically in marriage, but as the result of a relationship where there is this longing and this pursuit to know and be known by one another. The most helpful way to think about intimacy and define it is to think of it in terms of in to me you see. The two becoming one flesh is so much more than just a physical transact transaction. And I often describe them as like overflowing buckets of knowing and being known. And this diagram uh demonstrates that. I know there's a lot of words on here, but what I want you to get there is mainly the main metaphor. Going from left to right, it is God's always and forever love that fills us up, which highlights the importance of God fueling your efforts to love your spouse well, because the job is beyond your ability as a human to fulfill. We are perfectly loved and satisfied by God so that we can walk into any other relationships, especially our marriage, without necessarily needing anything because Jesus is enough for you. And so there's no Manipulation when you go to other people, where hey, I'm loving you really just to get something back for myself. Because God loves me perfectly, even in my mess, I can imperfectly pursue my spouse, seeking to pour out and into them in loving service that is meant to be mutual. Where only one person is the one making all the deposits or the pour-ins, the relationship start to feel one-sided and gradually burn out the one who's doing all the work, and it starts to feel like abandonment. The hope is that as this picture shows, we, fueled by our intimacy with the Lord, would then step into opening up ourselves to one another spiritually, emotionally, and then literally physically, like overflowing buckets. With no spiritual or emotional foundation, it's hard to imagine opening up to someone physically. The integrity of this idea, like I said earlier, is that you are the same in every area of your life as you pursue knowing and being known by one another. You're the same person in the bedroom that you are on an ordinary Tuesday loving your spouse as Jesus loves you. I want to know how Kara, who is my wife, for this example, if you don't know that, um, I want to know how she's doing spiritually, what she's excited about, what's she worried for, praying about, how does she feel like God is pressing on her heart, so I know how to particularly love her spiritually. I want to know also, I want to know how she's doing emotionally and what she's stressing over, what are some areas that just feel heavy right now? Where does she feel stuck? Where are the highs and lows of her days so that then I can rejoice or I can lament alongside her? And on the reverse, fellas, I have to be willing to let her in on my days, my struggles, my wins, my losses, my anxieties, my prayers, the lies that I'm tempted to believe, so that then she can love me specifically the way only someone who knows me well can. And in this way, physical intimacy is the result or the fruit of being connected in all areas of our relationship. That is the beauty of marriage. It's the specificity through which our spouses are best positioned to love us the most like God because they're the closest to us and they're meant to know us the best. This does not mean we ever become mind readers. Our communication has to be intentional in order to get there. Nobody falls into a good marriage accidentally. And I want to say that again. I say this to couples every time. Nobody falls into a good marriage accidentally. Myself included, I honestly believe we were both counselors when we got married. I thought, we are golden, we are gonna have this thing down. When you're up close and your emotions are involved in it, you can't see things very clearly. And so we had to go through our own season of counseling and working through things. Nobody falls into a good marriage. It's it's hard work, it's intentionality that happens in the background. The overflow of our pursuit in these other areas will show up in the bedroom. Paul Tripp says it like this of the one flesh relationship of marriage. Mutual serving love is only possible because there's this deep, abiding relational unity that the couple has. You see, here's how it works in marriage. You always drag the character and quality of your marriage relationship into the marriage bed. If you've been harsh and judgmental with me, if you've been selfish and demanding with me, why would I not expect that you would be that same person in the intimacy of our sexuality? Why would I relax? Why would I rest? The wholeness of marital sexuality is only possible because of the wholeness of spiritual relational intimacy of those couples. And this is really our third point, which is true physical intimacy is the fruit of spiritual and emotional intimacy. We see this beautifully displayed in God's word. As husbands are commanded to live with their wives in an understanding way as the weaker vessel, or else our prayers will be hindered. There's a huge difference between humbly seeking to understand someone versus trying to make yourself understood. God wants us, as Ephesians 5 tells us, as husbands, to love our wives as Christ loves the church, sacrificial, nail-pierce, servant-hearted leadership that loves them as we love our own bodies. Even the weaker vessel passage I just mentioned that some of y'all may still be trying to recover from, 1 Peter 3 is not highlighting physical strength or weakness, but rather the preciousness of our wives, because weaker vessels, that term, it means like fine china versus everyday wear. There must be gentleness and care when dealing with their hearts and their bodies. In the same way, wives are asked to come under that leadership, provided that it's done in a God-honoring, Christ-glorifying way that seeks for the flourishing of everyone underneath them. Jesus was able to go hard at the Pharisees and yet still be gentle and warm enough for women and children to be drawn to him, to feel safe around him. That kind of leadership is the desire. It can be the delight of a wife to feel honored and cherished in that way and come under the leader who is for her in every way. This is where respect also becomes huge. And I would say you women who are often more gifted in your words and communication can literally tear your husbands down to hell with your words, or you can encourage them up to heaven. Men, we've got to get better at speaking affirmation and encouragement too. The only way this truly happens, and you're even able to do it, is if you step into no one be known, which can be risky because we don't always hold each other's hearts well. If we can be intentional in this holistic pursuit of intimacy, we have a chance for our physical intimacy to become a celebration of all the ways we feel loved and seek to love our spouses. I've said this before, but I truly believe the best compliment you can give your spouse is to be able to say, I feel God's love through you. The way you love me reminds me of Jesus. That's the goal. Having said all that, before we end today, I did want to include a few physical intimacy-specific applications and ways to at least start your journey of growing in this area. It's gonna be kind of rapid fire, so I apologize for that. But the first one is prioritizing physical touch. I would say actually prioritizing non-sexual physical touch. If the only time you are touching one another in your life is when it's go time for sex, you're missing an entire box of physical affection. Unselfish touch, impromptu lingering hugs, rubbing tired, sore shoulders or feet or hair, random longer kisses go a long way to emphasize we are not just roommates. I like being near you. I desire you, and I don't just touch you when there's something out of for me at the other side of this. It's so important that we begin to embody this kind of love towards one another. Secondly, talk about and plan for intimacy. Actually, bring up the subject. Like life is busy, time gets away from us so easily, but this area matters. And when nobody mentions the elephant in the room, especially when there's been distance or maybe there's been a drought and you guys haven't connected in a while, it just highlights that distance when nobody mentions it. A simple comment that says, Hey, babe, I miss you. I know we haven't connected in a while, but I still desire you and I long to be with you in every way. That just it builds a bridge. And then along with that, it follows through with a time that you can protect and actually look forward to. It goes along to really filling the gap that is felt and some of the lies that take root of maybe they just don't want me, they don't want this anymore in our relationship. It's so important for us to actually be able to talk about this subject. Having said that, also expect differences and desire levels for each of you. I have not come across the couple yet who has the exact preference of how frequent this needs to happen in the relationship. Just about everybody I've ever met is on different levels here. And it's not always the guys want it more and the girls want it less. I've seen the reverse as well. So that's not always a stereotype thing. I think it's fascinating that Paul's a single guy tells married couples not to abstain for very long in 1 Corinthians, lest Satan tempt you. If you're a married couple, you know that sometimes when you haven't connected for a while, you're a little bit more snippy, a little bit more short with one another. There's also an emphasis on your body belonging to one another. That is to say that sexual intimacy matters and it should be regular in a healthy marriage. And where there might be struggles or maybe a lack of any desire whatsoever, be willing to seek help versus just letting that be the status moving forward. Each season is going to look different, but you don't have to kiss this area of your relationship goodbye with age or other struggles arising. You just might need to get help from outside the two of you. The fourth thing is seek to honor and serve one another. I mentioned this earlier, but honor should help dictate what is okay and not okay in the bedroom. If your spouse feels dishonored or could be hurt or damaged bodily by something you do or want to do, it is not loving to continue to press that issue. The tension is, I would say, that we also need to, on the other side, come into this area like all other areas as one looking to serve and to bless and love our spouse, which means that if it's a preference thing, like I don't prefer that versus a dishonoring or damaged thing, then it might be worth considering if I could love my spouse in this way. And you guys have a conversation about those things. And finally, number five, don't ignore or push through pain. If there is physical or emotional pain happening in intimacy, that is the time to invite trusted, gospel-centered voices into that space. If you're struggling where to turn, I'd be happy to help. There are Christian counselors in the area that can help. Even doctors may be able to help solve some of the physical issues that may be at play. Sometimes it's as simple as like the medications and the things you're taking that affect us on desire levels and affect our bodies in all kinds of different ways. In addition, there may be trauma. There may be other emotional pieces that need to be brought into the open for healing to happen, for intimacy to flourish, and to feel like you can actually kind of enjoy and rest in this area of your relationship. In summation, I know we barely scan the surface of some of these areas. You may have questions, clarifications, or where there are struggles. And my hope for you to know is that Spring Lake is a place where you can, without shame, ask those questions. Some of you are struggling here and you don't know where to turn. We want to help you. I invite you to step into our care mentoring spaces to start some of that journey. For those who recognize like your marriage issues may be being upstream from just sexual intimacy. I also want to invite you into a marriage care group called Art of Marriage coming in September. It'll actually be at the Lawrence campus. You can register for it on the events page of our website, and this video will give you just a sneak peek of what is discussed and explored in that group space.
SPEAKER_01I expected to have a husband who would cook and clean and lead us spiritually and always be patient and be kind. And she got it.
SPEAKER_00I just had this idea.
SPEAKER_05That's all you need in the marriage.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but so that so that didn't end up happening. You always marry the wrong person, and that's for a couple reasons. One is that the God, his intention is for you to love somebody different. And second, they changed if you're married to one person over a lifetime, you're actually married to five different people. So if they're the right person now, they're not going to be the right person tomorrow. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is not simply making someone feel good.
SPEAKER_01Love actually looks like the cross. There's no such thing as true love unless they're sacrificed. Love in the scriptures means that I just advantage myself for the comfort and benefit of another.
SPEAKER_02The purpose for oneness is so that people can see modeled in your marriage, the same kind of oneness that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have experienced for eternity.
SPEAKER_03And your marriage, even in its imperfections and flaws, may be the most powerful statement for the gospel of Jesus Christ some people ever see in their entire lives.
SPEAKER_04So, yeah, I encourage y'all to step into those spaces. You don't have to necessarily be at crisis point to be a part of this. This is a marriage enrichment event. And so if you haven't done one of those, you haven't done one in a while, I encourage you to register and sign up for it. It's good to get on the front end of some of these conversations because I often see in counseling people come in when like the house is burned to the ground or like, what can you do with this? And now we've got bitterness and resentment and years of hurt to wade through before we can actually start gaining ground. So I just put that before you. Rather than closing with another worship song, we're going to end with an extended time of communion. Um, sometimes we can hear about emotional and spiritual intimacy and wonder, okay, what does that look like in real life? And I think one of the simplest and most meaningful ways we can grow in intimacy with God and with one another is through prayer. So if you would go ahead and get your communion elements ready. We're not gonna take it just yet. We're gonna take them together here in a second. I want to invite married couples to extend a few moments just praying for one another, whether that's out loud or quietly for each other. Maybe you know exactly what your spouse needs to pray for, maybe you need to share that real quickly. But regardless, you can just pray simply, Lord, help me love my spouse well. Give us grace, patience, honesty, tenderness, forgiveness. Draw us closer to you and closer to one another. And I want to say clearly also, if praying with your spouse would not be wise or safe for you tonight or this morning, you're completely free to pray quietly where you are as well. And then I also recognize that not everyone here is either married or with their spouse, even if you are. This time is for you too. Slow down. Let this be a sweet, unhurried moment with the Lord. Like ask him to search your heart, to receive his love, to confess if you need to confess something, to bring to him whatever you're carrying, to put at the foot of the cross. We are so accustomed to constant noise and constant content. So for the next few minutes, let's simply be still before the Lord in prayer, and then I'll come back and we'll take communion together as one church family. We have scripture book-ended with two meals. We have uh a marriage supper at the beginning and a marriage supper at the end. And the marriage supper at the beginning is a tragic one, as we see Adam and Eve take the fruit, reject God's rule and reign, and then feel the disharmony and the result of sin fracturing that I think we all still feel to this day. And then at the end we have the marriage, the wedding supper of the Lamb, where Jesus is the perfect bridegroom, pursues the church and offers himself for us, and then there's this restoration and this celebration as we are united and head into the new heavens and new earth. And so we sit in this middle point, and for some of us, we're coming in, recognizing sometimes this this sermon like this is hard. And the first thing is needing forgiveness from the Lord, maybe from our spouses, areas where we've wounded them, and where maybe trust is needing to be built back. And the beauty is we get to do that. We don't have to atone for our own sins because our bridegroom has already done that, he has already offered his body as a sacrifice for us. So as we take specifically this bread, we recognize that Jesus broke his body for us. And so we thank him, we remember his sacrifice on our behalf, that we don't have to re-sacrifice ourselves for it. We thank you, Lord. Also, the the cup itself, the is the for the forgiveness of sins, his blood that washed us clean. Ephesians 5 says that husbands are supposed to wash their wives with the water of the word, and that's what Jesus has done for us. He has washed us clean. Through his blood, he has made us white, he's given us his righteousness, so that when we approach God in prayer like we did just a second ago, we don't have to first atone for our sins. We rest in the finished work of Jesus. And so when we drink this, we we thank the Lord that we don't have to win approval. We live from approval. Father, we know that we there are many ways in which we're gonna miss the mark in these areas, especially when it comes to just maybe our own selfishness and just the recognition that to image you well means we need to have your spirit fueling those efforts, giving us strength, giving us eyes to see, ears to hear, but also moldable hearts that we might look more like you in all the relationships around us. Would you empower those efforts? Would you make next steps very clear? Bring wisdom and discernment on what faithfulness looks like. And so, whatever that next first step is, I pray though that would just be so crystal clear for everyone in this room, regardless of what relational status they're in. And so, Lord, we we love you. We thank you for your love for us. We pray all this in Jesus' name.
unknownAmen.